My Sweet Michael

This is a hard one to post.

We just got back from Mesa where we said good bye, for now, to our oldest son Michael Emmet Smith Jr. who went home to his Father in Heaven on Father's Day June 16, 2008. He was born May 25, 1970 in Mesa, and died not far from the very place he was born.

People ask, "How are you doing?" Truth is, not well. But my job is to stay strong. And I will. But I have to be truthful and say that just now my heart is breaking. The pain is unimaginable. No mother should ever have to plan and carry out a funeral for their child. I know that he is out of his pain. I know he is with a merciful and all loving Father in Heaven. But I loved him too, and I just want him back! Not the Michael who was in pain a suffering, but the one he truly was down deep in his soul. That Michael who was happy, and full of fun, and full of faith. I WANT HIM BACK!!

I have had to survive a lot of things in my life, and I have. But this one....This one is the hardest of all. I need all the prayers and love you can send. I'm afraid this one is going to be with me forever.

Thanks to all the amazing friends who have been there for us, for the support they gave us. And thanks to our amazing family who came from far away to be with us and let us know we are loved, and those close by who, as always give us so much strength. And thanks to our kids who helped out with the arrangements, and spoke so eloquently of their brother. Their love holds me together. And to Jill and Paul for bringing Elliot to us to remind us that a part of Michael remains here on earth to love and enjoy. He is such a sweet spirit. We all love him, and them for the wonderful job they are doing in raising him.

And most especially to my sweet husband who holds me in the dark as I sob, and reminds me that I am strong, that God loves him even more than I do, and that he loved me. My love to all.